Will Lyons (The Beacon)
By Will Lyons, Staff Commentary
We all have a story about dealing with extreme policies here at the University of Portland: That time one red cup was left out when an RA came to tell you to turn down the music and multiple alcohol citations followed, or the confiscated pipe and subsequent marijuana charges when only resin resided in the bowl.
I got written up for having a beer on the beach early my freshman year, a good 10-minute walk from campus, and have forever been left with the thought, "I'm not in San Francisco anymore."
What's the catch phrase for punishment here? "Swift and severe?" How about, "Don't do it here?" God forbid anybody have sex in college! A $500 per person fine for fornicating? Really? It would be interesting to see how many covered bike racks the University could erect on the money made from investigated erections.
This university and all its regulations seem worthwhile at the outset but Admiral Ackbar said it best: "It's a trap!" If you ask any random UP student why they chose to come here, you'll likely hear some derivation of, "Because I got a fatty scholarship and this place became the most sensible option." I know that's why I ended up here. It's so tantalizing to get a degree for a price close to comparable to a state school (if you factor in scholarships and the likelihood you'd be in school for 5-7 years) – but you've got to play by their rules.
And where do these rules come from? We are a Holy Cross institution and not all Catholic orders are created equal. I've gone to Catholic school all my life; previously high school with the Christian Brothers, who are referred to playfully by older Holy Cross as heretics, and never had a problem with such issues as rights for LGBTQ students, or encouragement of a coed education (Kenna Hall, anybody?). I thought we got over sex separation in the 60's.
It's sad that in 2012 we're reverting as a school, but it might be worse that no one is saying anything about it. There are so many archaic principles that we can change together. It's time to pop the UP bubble and I'm here to help.
