Aaron O'Connell
By Aaron O'Connell, Staff Commentary -- The Beacon
Three years. Three years of lateral movement, from sports editor, to sports editor … to sports editor. Three years of working tirelessly to bring the best sports coverage of the Portland Pilots, probably the best coverage ever (in my modest estimate).
Three years of being continually annoyed with people who actually bother to email their critiques (always in the most gracious way possible) about how they actually like NASCAR, or how they happen to know for a fact that I took part in the shocking display of foul language at a basketball game (a bold-faced lie, of course).
And being that this is my last piece, I have decided to bequeath upon the readers of this fair Beacon my final opinions on several issues of the utmost importance.
You may ask, how much do you have to pay for these pearls of wisdom (borne on the muscular shoulders of three years of tireless sports experience)? Will there be a charge?
Oh — don't worry — they're free.
On Howard Hall still being just a terrible, awful, deplorable excuse for a workout center
Yes, I'm well aware that the University has plans for new workout facilities, I know how awesome they plans look, how this piece will do less than nothing to expedite the process, and that all I'm doing right now is suiting up, grabbing my favorite stick and beating the hell out of that dead horse.
Well, Howard Hall is just that bad. There's still a population here of about 3,500. There's still a capacity in the workout area the size of a school bus. There's still only one indoor, decrepit, embarrassing regulation court for our University. The University is still getting bigger. I still keep expecting to see American History X's Edward Norton in the locker room showers (to date, he hasn't shown). We still pay 40 grand a year to go here.
The building just looks like its' hanging on to the last vestiges of its cold and bitter life, its existence an unfortunate anomaly. If everyone on campus jumped at the same time, I would expect it to simply squelch its way back into the Earth, waiting to haunt the next University of Portland student foolish enough to stop by to try and work out.
Has this hyperbole been extended far enough that it seems ridiculous that all we have are tentative plans for new facilities?
On checking drinks before athletic events
Earlier this year, reports filtered in from several people alleging that they were being made to empty their drinks before they could be admitted to soccer games at Merlo Field. Students were even told to pour out drinks purchased at other University locations such as The Cove (as students don't have access to concessions in Merlo).
Associate Athletic Director Buzz Stroud assured me in an interview this wasn't a new policy, but students would come to accept it with consistent enforcement.
For a while, this was cause for concern as this looked to be another paternalistic move by the University to curb alcohol use instead of treating students as adults (the newest example is mandatory breathalyzers at a dance, even for those of legal age).
I was glad to see that by basketball season, the University had come to its senses, and students were let in with open beverages of all kinds.
Hooray for inconsistent enforcement.
On banning intramural teams
Actually, I think this only applies to the Colossal Squids.
The Beacon reported last week that the Colossal Squids were banned due to reports of intoxication and rough play. The Director of Recreational Services, Brian Dezzani, reportedly reached his conclusion after speaking with a few people who were involved.
This strikes me as being a serious miscarriage of justice. Not only was the entirety of the information considered (if the reports were true) simply hearsay, but it seems to me that the descriptions of the Colossal Squids merely indicated they were having an excellent time.
I'm certain the Colossal Squids were intoxicated — they were drunk on the good vibes and fun of intramural competition.
Banning an intramural team because there were reports of drinking and raucous play is like kicking out a NASCAR fan because he is from the south, or banning a wrestler from the WWE because it was reported he took steroids.
It's like kicking a basketball player off the team because he had sex (sorry, Davies).
C'mon, seriously?
On UP still not being BYU
I didn't really have anything to say about this one, but I find when criticizing the school, it's good to find a comparison that really makes you value the not-so-awful policies of the University of Portland.
Really, things here are quite fantastic, and it's refreshing that nitpicking is really (usually) the only way to find something to critique.
I'm basically just glad this one is still true.
Go Pilots.
Aaron O'Connell is a senior political science major. He can be contacted at oconnel11@up.edu.
