(Sam Heathcote -- The Beacon)
By Katie Holman, Guest Commentary
As of late, an unfortunate epidemic has plagued the University of Portland campus that is potentially detrimental to the health and welfare of students, faculty and staff.
I do not refer to the common cold, nor am I referencing a very contagious bout of pneumonia. Rather, I call your attention to one of the most offensive, blasphemous occurrences to ever exist – Public Displays of Affection.
I've felt strongly about this issue for some time, likely because I'm a proud, self-admitted cynic. However, my assertions are valid as I've observed this phenomenon on campus time and time again.
Perhaps one of the most troubling manifestations of PDA comes in the form of one romantic partner feeding his or her counterpart, be it in The Cove, The Commons or elsewhere. Unless the recipient has lost the use of both hands, he or she has no business being fed by another human being.
Secondly, I lament the fact that romantic couples are comfortable sharing passionate kisses while others stand idly by. Instead, pairs should rely on handshakes or enthusiastic high-fives to express mutual affection.
Lastly, I would like to request the abolition of yet another sordid behavior commonly executed by couples in love. Please, in the name of all that is good, stop sitting on each other's laps. This positioning of bodies essentially obliterates any smattering of dignity that one or both of you might have had left.
Naturally, I wholeheartedly support any healthy relationship that is equally beneficial to both partners. If you're truly happy in your romantic union, I commend you with only the highest kudos.
That being said, please, I beg of you, quit the antics. Love each other in private.
