I know the world outside me is in flames, so I am depressed because I can’t do anything, but I can’t do anything because I am depressed. That is why I write.
In a past opinion piece, I wrote this: “Some drink, some smoke, and I turn to avoidance,” to encourage writing in whatever form it takes, as it’s a far healthier coping mechanism.
When I say, “in whatever form,” I mean it.
Before depression hit me, I discovered the world of K-pop. I was a young girl looking for happiness, and K-pop granted me that through online fandoms. The internet can be a very dangerous place, but I found comfort there. At 10 years old, I read my first fanfiction, and there was no coming back from there.
Despite the bad reputation that fanfics have of being inappropriate, childish or dumb, I found a perfect place to spiral away from the world’s flames. I created a persona on the internet for this expression and had thousands of followers admire my writing.
I kept writing. I reimagined the world and molded it as I pleased. I read, I wrote, I revised and I repeated until it became my whole personality.
This hobby came with many issues though, primarily shame. K-pop and fanfiction were not particularly known, and this shame made me act entirely differently on the internet than in person.
My teachers gave me the pens to write and the will to continue, and my experience online taught me that fanfiction is a valid form of writing.
Even when I was concerned that I had only fanfics to show my writing skills, my adviser of the Creative Writing Club at my high school told me, “If you want to be a writer, you just have to write.”
I had never felt so validated. I was convinced to leave writing because I thought fanfics were something to be ashamed of and I could never be an actual writer, but my teacher begged to differ.
“You write, so you are a writer” made me realize that writing is important, no matter what form it takes.
Now, I am a news reporter for The Beacon, and I have published a short story in the Writers Magazine. But I will never forget my roots.
Even seemingly dumb books can teach you something. Even those silly one-shots can help you filter your thoughts to keep living.
Read and write, no matter what it is, just do it.
Regina Castillo is a News Reporter at The Beacon. She can be reached at medinaca27@up.edu.
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