Well Pilots, it’s that time again. Flu season is in full swing and midterms are creeping up (yes, they’ve been on the syllabus all semester). If you haven’t been feeling too productive lately, it’s not your fault — you’re just not studying in the right place. Scroll down to your astrological sign for a personalized study spot recommendation.
Aries: The Anchor
You are a ball of energy with a constant to-do list that we all know you’re not going to complete. Calm down! Head to The Anchor for the caffeine, stay for the comfy chairs and tables, and cross the street to hit the gym before all of that energy tempts you to make reckless decisions.
Taurus: Dorm Room
Let’s cut to the chase — you like simple pleasures. You’re not the type to crave adventure or explore new places. You just want everyday to be the perfect Sunday with good food, good company and the perfect amount of busy work.
We advise that you stay in your room with a platter of bread and cheese and a luxuriously fluffy blanket from Target. Everything you need is there. Why leave? Just try not to get in bed before you’ve finished the top priority stuff. Opening a Netflix tab is waaay too easy.
Gemini: Shiley Library
Hey trendsetter, wanna know one of campus’s best kept secrets? Head to the Shiley Library. Typically only used by STEM majors, this is the perfect place for you to hunker down and re-organize your pens by color. Without the distractions that you find everywhere else, you’ll finally finish that paper, respond to that email and emerge ready to the spend the day doing something you actually enjoy.
Cancer: St. Mary’s Lounge
Cancer, we know it’s been a hard week. It’s not easy to be the whirling mess of emotions, tears, nostalgia and fuzzy sweaters that you are. Lucky for you, the St. Mary’s lounge is stocked with comfy couches and silence. Curl up with some hot chocolate from The Commons and alleviate the pains of homework by watching videos of puppies and kittens meeting each other for the first time. Remember Cancer, it’s still cool to cry.
Leo: Residence Hall Study Room
Center-of-attention Leo can’t flourish in a sad, quiet room where nobody’s paying them compliments. That’s okay, Leo. Head to the study room in your dorm instead, where you can find all of your neighbors and distract anybody trying to do actual work. Make sure you tell everybody how swamped you are and how you’ve been “in the library all day.” Don’t live in a residence hall? Go back and relive your underclassmen glory days. Everyone loves an alum.
Virgo: Clark Library Quiet Floor
Libra can hang out on the first and second floor of the library all they want, but we all know they’re not getting anything done. They’re just socializing with their laptops and planners in front of them. Don’t fall into that trap.
Instead, head downstairs to the quiet floor. You’re not here to make friends. You’re here to put your headphones in, sip a Yerba Mate and grind for a minimum five hours. God help anybody with the audacity to sneeze too loudly, take a phone call or open a bag of crunchy chips.
Libra: Clark Library Main Levels
Why waste your energy seeking an “alternative study spot” when the Clark Library was literally built to be studied in? The quiet floor is too stifling for you, so stay on the first and second floor. The library was made for you. You’re indecisive, but the library doesn’t call for any commitment. You can just distract the people sitting around you. Open your textbooks, pull up the Moodle page, then scroll intently through Twitter for an hour. Pack up. Congratulations, you’ve studied.
Scorpio: ?
What do you even do with your time? Scorpio, you are an enigma. Where do you study? Do you even study? Let’s just skip this one.
Sagittarius: Pilot House
The library is boring. Library people are boring. You’re not boring, Sagittarius. You like to surround yourself with people who can enrich your already well-rounded world view. We know it’s hard to have fun when the Sunday Scaries sink in and you’re staring right down the barrel of a quiz, two papers and 80 pages of reading from a class you’ve been avoiding all week.
Protect your spirit and surround yourself with friends at Pilot House. If you’re lucky, you can snag a coveted booth by the bar. If not, make sure you’re close to Mack’s Market to replenish yourself by spending 37 meal points on a smoothie and a cup of granola.
Capricorn: Empty Classroom
Capricorn, your work ethic is incredible. When you study, you bypass the crowds at the library and head to an empty classroom. And let’s be real, you always study for the class in its actual classroom because you know that the psychological association will make you perform better on the exam, don’t you?
This way, you can freely write equations, draw diagrams or spread out readings and crank out the most well-composed paper that your professor has ever seen. Four for you Capricorn, you go Capricorn!
Aquarius: Off-Campus
Aquarius, you’re independent. You don’t like to tread the beaten path; you make your own path. And then you won’t walk on that one either. Escape the isolated vacuum that is the UP campus by heading downtown. While your peers waste away in the library, you’ll be freeing your mind in a local coffee shop (you wouldn’t go near a corporation such as Starbucks).
Order an environmentally responsible oat milk latte in a cup for-here, bond with your barista about how capitalism is morally irreprehensible and then leave, never to return. Frequenting the same coffee shop is way too mainstream, and God forbid you allow anybody to actually get to know you.
Pisces: Quiet Side of Commons
As the dreamiest sign of the zodiac, you need a study spot as chill as you are. Journey beyond the coffee cart at The Commons and head to the quiet side. The tall windows let in light even on cold winter days and scents of coffee will drift in. Did you even know that you could study in here? Well, now you do.
Gabi DiPaulo is a reporter for The Beacon. She can be reached at dipaulo21@up.edu.
