Adulting with Erin: Emotional pee

By Erin Bothwell | February 24, 2018 11:19am
by Annika Gordon / The Beacon

You may not remember the last time you peed from your eyeballs. Maybe it was when you were just a babe. Maybe it was after that third shot of tequila last weekend. Maybe it’s happening right now because MIDTERMS.   

Even if you can’t remember the last time you did it, urinating from your eyes is perfectly normal. Healthy, even. People who are #basic may refer to this as “crying.” For reasons I will explain later, I believe it is more accurate to call crying “emotional peeing.”

Unlike the urine, emotional tears should be clear. Definitely call your doctor if you cry yellow tears from your eyes (or as I like to call them, “see-spheres”). That’s not normal. 

But crying/emotionally peeing is normal. Occasionally, your body needs to pee from the upstairs area. Don’t try to keep it in. It will slowly poison you, like trying to not use the restroom will lead to an infection if you do it long enough. You could get an emotional infection. Ouch. It’ll probably feel a bit strange to let it go if you’re used to holding it in, but it’s worth it. For your health. 

Other ways emotional pee is like the other kind of pee: everyone does it. You shouldn’t drink it. You may need to seek help if you do it super frequently. It’s weird to save it. You probably want to clean the area it comes out of after you do it. You can technically do it anywhere. 

Of course, most of us prefer to pee alone in a private space where we can let it out without judgment. Peeing in public or in front of people is the stuff of nightmares. Once in a while you have to do it, like when you’re camping, or if you’re in a serious relationship, and you’ve given up on shutting the bathroom door. 

Yet, if comedienne Tina Fey is to be believed, public eye-pissing can be a serious power move, “Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.” So let it rip, if you’d like to scare your coworkers into caring about you or shake up the workplace with your rage-crying. 

Strength is often linked with stoicism, but it needn’t be. We’re allowed to release liquid waste from our see-spheres. Such a release does not weaken us. It frees us. Strength lies in emotional expression, in release. 

Crying is a healthy part of our humanity. It physically exposes vulnerability. It announces joy or sadness — sometimes both — to the world. It’s the body’s way of recognizing something is different, wrong or surprising. 

We need this acknowledgment. To know what’s happening in our heads exists outside our heads too. As former headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore, once said to Harry Potter, “Of course it is happening inside your head... but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” We need proof our emotions exist physically. We need our bodies to agree when our minds are overwhelmed. So we pee.