How to Lose a Roommate in 10 Days

By Emily Peterson | September 23, 2016 4:01am


Are you frustrated with your roommate? Done with sharing? Are you sick of sleeping a few feet from someone you barely know? Pick and choose from these top rated ways to be a terrible roommate, and you just might force your roommate to move out. Gathered from real experiences across the Bluff, these tips are perfect ways to lose a roommate. Side effects include bitterness, anger and an unhealthy dose of passive aggressiveness.

1. Leave moldy, gross dishes in the sink, on your desk, on your roommate’s desk, in your roommate’s bed or anywhere really. Let the trash can overflow with the rest of your uneaten food, but never take it out. Bonus points if fruit flies start to gather.

2. Stare at your roommate. All the time. When they are brushing their teeth. Doing their homework. And especially when they are trying to sleep. Guaranteed to create paranoia and occasional staring contests.

3. Leave the door unlocked all the time, especially if your roommate leaves valuables out in the open. On the one day your roommate forgets his or her keys, lock the door.

4. Wake up very early and perform a very noisy morning routine. Slam closest drawers, turn on lights and loudly crunch your breakfast cereal near their bed.

5. If your roommate is ever gone overnight, be sure to let other people sleep in his or her bed. Leave the bed obviously wrinkled and drooled on, but lie to your roommate if they ask about the sleepover.

6. Eat all your roommate’s food. Lie about it. Be sure to leave the wrappers in the trash can.

7. Wear your roommate’s clothing without asking. Make sure to run into them in the commons and ask if they like your outfit.

8. Refuse to shower or wash your clothes. Skip deodorant. Make sure the smell is pungent enough to drive your roommate out of the room. If necessary, invent an allergy to air fresheners to combat roommate pleas for clear air.

9. Never leave the room.

10. Let your double room become a triple if you have a significant other. Ask your roommate to leave the room often so you can spend time with that significant other. Then stop asking.

For the sane readers out there who wish to live in harmony, or at least have a tolerable truce with your roommate, please avoid the above tips at all costs. Chances are you are stuck with your roomie all year, and living in tension and bitterness does not enhance the college experience. Communication and respect go a long way to creating a healthy room atmosphere. And if your roommate begins to perform any of the tips mentioned—Run!