By Brian Doyle
It is almost always a capital error for a testy old guy like me to bark at an eager and passionate young guy like Greg Machado ("Bottled water ban a misguided effort," Feb. 4 issue), and I admire Greg for having the guts and energy to express his opinion publicly - doing so is a lot of what makes America a terrific idea and a salty and tumultuous place to live, and it's the essence of the University of Portland, where ideas and opinions fill the air like Frisbees.
But I have to grin, for his essay is crammed with firmly ridiculous statements, and some part of public debate ought to be saying words like silly when they apply. Notes:
"What about restricting the amount of water the University uses to water the lawns, plants and trees?"
The University draws its grounds water - 19 million gallons a year - from under the Willamette River. We put a well under there many years ago. It's "flow-by" water that otherwise would be gulped by the thirsty ocean. All we pay for it is the electricity we need to draw it up to The Bluff. A phone call to Physical Plant would have given you this information.
"More like the right thing to do for the ... wallets of our administration and Bon Appétit."
The University makes money from the bottle ban? That's silly.
"It baffles me that this 'water problem' is at the forefront of the minds of our University's officers."
But you just said that we should pay attention to the real world, in which clean water will be the story of the century, Greg. And the problem sure is in the administration's mind - we spend more than half a million dollars a year in clean drinking water at the university. A phone call to the financial vice president would have given you this information.
"The Catholic order needs to keep its beliefs that water is 'a commodity and a universal and inalienable right' to itself."
Pardon me? The University, founded by two priests, Catholic for 109 years, the biggest Catholic university in the state, should not express its Catholic beliefs?
"Water is not a problem for the University."
Half a million dollars a year in clean water purchased for the campus, planning for a new campus along the fouled river, water prices rising by the month - water's not a problem? Really?
"Water is not and will not become a commodity."
Yes, it is. Don't you buy water in bottles? Don't we pay water bills every month? Unless you catch what falls from the sky, it's a commodity.
"Water will always be universal to all."
Hope so. But a phone call to, say, biologist Steve Kolmes might bring you up to speed on the worldwide scientific fears of declining supplies of accessible and affordable fresh water.
"The solution is to get rid of psycho environmentalists, especially the eco-socialists."
Wow. And you would get rid of those people ... how?
C'mon. There's plenty of room for debate here - for example, the great physicist Freeman Dyson was just on campus, offering his opinion that global warming will actually produce more fresh water, if only we can learn how to capture, store and distribute it more efficiently.
But boldly saying things that are untrue, uninformed or threatening doesn't help wake people up, spark new ideas, or get more people to have the guts and energy to express themselves in public.
I salute Greg Machado's passion, I wince at his parade of mistakes, but I conclude in classic American fashion - rather than simply arguing in print, wander into my office, Greg, and we can have a cheerful debate face to face. It's an honor to meet any student at the university, and I admire your willingness to state your opinions in the public sphere.
Brian Doyle is editor of
Portland Magazine
