Personal, others individuality offer strength in times of tragedy, uncertainty
By Josh Noam
Death turns the world upside down for those who are left behind. Multiply this confusion by 10 when the death is a result of suicide. Suicide brings so many questions to those who are left behind.What circumstances and factors would drive someone to take their own life? How can everything go on like normal without them? How can we remember them honorably?How does God see them?Where are they now? These are profound questions that can shake a person to the marrow. Often these questions go unanswered, leaving us to make our way on our own. Times like these can feel like we are ships sailing rough seas without a rudder. We don't know where we are headed or when we'll get there-all we know is that we're barely above water.It takes a lot of energy to grieve because we must figure out how our lives will go on without the person who has died. It is as though the fabric of our lives, woven from the thread of relationship that connects us to other people, is suddenly wrenched apart, leaving a gaping, ugly hole. It takes time and introspection and conversation with others who knew the deceased to start to mend that hole. Storytelling is an essential tool in this process.As big a hole as death leaves in the fabric of our lives, suicide rips things apart even more violently. Often those left behind experience a lot of anger, even anger directed at the person who took his or her life. It is a messy, difficult thing to face for us left behind and there are no easy answers, if there are answers at all. There are a host of mental health factors that must be considered with suicide. Getting "help" is not a sign of weakness; it is actually a sign of strength. The fact is, most of us in the University community are here because we want to reach out and make connections and be of service to one another. It takes courage to admit a need, but I can promise that taking that step will be met with warmth and welcome. We have many dedicated and understanding faculty and staff who serve in the classrooms, Health Center, Residence Halls and Campus Ministry.Suicide is an individual act, but not an individual issue - because we are social beings and live in a web of relationship, we are interconnected. It is the task of the community (i.e., you and I) to reach out and make sure that the people in our lives - both in the center and on the fringes - know they are valued and supported. When someone is in crisis, because of grief or depression or stress or whatever, it is not enough to say, "let me know if I can help." We must take that step, repeatedly, to provide the opportunity for those in distress to grab on to our lifeline. In the end, however, we remain in the supportive role. We cannot take on the responsibility for someone else's decisions and actions. Ultimately, each of us alone carries the responsibilities of our own actions.Death always brings the horizon of the eternal into our view and sometimes the questions that suicide leaves us are of a spiritual nature. What does our Christian faith tell us about suicide? How should we think of those who have taken their own life? How do they stand with God?The Catholic Church used to think that those who committed suicide committed serious sin by taking a life - their own. Not surprisingly, the Church has moved beyond this short-sighted approach and we now recognize that depression and other mental illnesses are often factors for those who are struggling with suicide or who have taken their lives.The Church understands now that those who take their own lives are not acting nor thinking with a full understanding of who they are as God's children. We are not at liberty to judge them because we must assume that they are not perceiving their place in the world correctly. We simply know that they deserve our compassion, hope and prayer. And we should not despair of the eternal salvation of those who have taken their own lives. By ways unknown to us, God's mercy reaches out to everyone. (For more on this, see the "Catechism of the Catholic Church," 2280-2283.)Because God is the Master of life, the premature loss of life under any circumstances is always an injustice. Created in God's image, we are all endowed with inherent dignity. These words have appeared numerous times on this page, but I want you to pause, dear reader, and take one deep breath - right now - and let the reality of this notion sink in. The gift of life and God's care for each of us is a mystery. Think of your own experience of reality: the thoughts that crossed your mind while you were eating lunch yesterday, the clothes you'd like to buy for summer break, the memories you hold from P.E. in fourth grade, the song you hummed in the shower this morning. The particularity, the uniqueness of this experience, of your life, is a gift soaking wet with God's presence, even if it is hidden. And every single individual you see and don't see has the same depth of experience and all of it is saturated in the same grace. The mystery of our own individuality calls us to recognize that everyone is endowed with the same uniqueness. And this individuality is a sign that we are each created with God's special care, that the life with which we move through this world is a precious gift and that we must respect and nurture that gift of individuality, uniqueness and life in others. When a tragedy such as suicide occurs, it is a time of solidarity with one another and a time when the University community must come together, each to another, in bonds of fellowship and support. Take time to greet one another with sincerity. Muster the courage to ask someone how a test went. Step outside of yourself and learn what it was like for someone to grow up where they did. Let's nurture and protect the gift of life we share together.
Josh Noem works in the Office of Campus Ministry
