By Christina Moran '07
Last week, I struggled to respond when people asked me what I did over fall break. "Uh, not a whole lot ... you know, just hung around Portland" was my most consistent answer.
Because, the fact is, I did nothing over break. Most of the week, I didn't know what to do with myself. I would sit around all day, assuming that some worthwhile activity would present itself to me by the time night rolled around. But, most nights, I ended my non-eventful day with equally non-eventful drinks at the bar.
Upon reflection, I've realized that fall break was a symptom of a problem that I've been experiencing for quite some time - separation anxiety. No, not from my parents. Not exactly from my friends, either.
As a senior, what I'm experiencing is separation anxiety from academia.
The past 16 years of my life have been dictated by a regimen of class, homework, tests and papers. Sure, I've had breaks from school, but these breaks have always carried the certainty that, someday soon, the routine will pick up where it left off.
But, in less than seven months, I'll be taking a permanent break. Unless I go to graduate school, I won't encounter professors, study guides, midterms or course registration ever again. There will be no more first days - and no more last days - of school.
A few weeks ago, one of my fellow seniors casually mentioned "next summer break."
"You mean, 'next summer?'" I asked. "Because, pretty soon, there will be no more breaks," I said, without waiting for his answer. "Pretty soon, there will just be summer."
More importantly, though, fall break made me realize how much my day-to-day routine is wrapped up in being a student. Looking ahead, I'm not worried about finding a job. I'm worried about figuring out what I'll do when I'm not at work.
Socializing is rather simple as a student. At UP, hundreds of actual and potential friends have surrounded me in my classes and in the residence halls. Even off-campus, most everyone lives within a couple miles of each other. As far as deciding what to do, there's always campus events and off-campus parties to fall back on.
I fear that in the not-too-distant future, my social life will revolve around office picnics and baby showers. I fear that I'll be too exhausted after a full day of work to do anything besides crawl up on the couch in front of the TV.
Another thing I'll miss about school is being intellectually stimulated on a daily basis. After graduation, I will have to seek out my own reading material and analytical discussions. As a professional journalist, things like existential philosophy and contemporary literature will inevitably take the backburner to interviews and deadlines.
Like every other normal UP student, I've been complaining about schoolwork since long before I ever stepped foot on The Bluff. I've always said that life would be perfect if I didn't have the stress of upcoming exams and research papers. And, up until recently, I've thought naively the real world would be much easier than life as a college student.
But, when I look back, I realize that being a student has been a piece of cake. Sure, there have been those weeks from hell where every assignment was due on the same day. And, yes, there have been those courses where getting an A was impossible no matter how much I studied.
On the other hand, though, most of my college days have been dominated by having fun and something that could be only vaguely labeled "growing as a person." Real work has yet to happen.
So, while every other senior says "God, I can't wait to get out of here," I'm going to savor the time I have left in the comfortable confines of academia.
Caitlin Moran is editor in chief ?of The Beacon
