Are students too young to commit for a lifetime? Or are they mature enough to make the decision?
By Anna Walters
Katie Greiert, a junior and ROTC cadet, is still a tad shocked each time she hears her name during her unit's role call.
"They'll be taking role and they'll call 'Greiert' and I'll say, 'Oh, that's me,'" she said.
Greiert's astonishment isn't without reason. In January, Greiert married her high school sweetheart after a year-and-a-half engagement, formally changing her last name, "Lesh," to her husband's.
Aside from learning to answer to a new name and title, Greiert faces other challenges, mainly coping with a geographical distance between herself and her military husband and the financial stress associated with planning a future with another person.
Not to mention Greiert is in the minority. Today, the average age to marry is 25 for a woman and 27 a man, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
Looking specifically at younger demographics, 0.9 percent of men 15 to 19 years old are married or have been married compared to 3.7 percent of women in the same age bracket, according to a 2001 survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau. For men and women 20 to 24 years of age, those married or previously married comes to 16.1 percent and 27.6 percent respectively.
Such small percentages of people married in their teens and early 20s raises the question: why do young couples decide to tie the knot?
Greiert, who will graduate as an officer, decided to get married because her husband is in the military as well, and certain fraternization laws would have made a relationship between them difficult if not impossible. Also, she felt it was the right decision and has absolutely no regrets about her marriage.
"I was fortunate enough to find that person [early on]," Greiert said, "so I don't have to go through all that emotional turmoil of figuring it out," she said.
Other students think that marriage and school don't mix.
"Being married in college seems to negate the whole idea of college life itself," said Lauren Moffitt, a junior. For Moffitt, more life experience and maturity are needed before she would ever consider marriage.
"I have so much to handle just getting by in college, to think about having to deal with married life too is mind-boggling," she said.
Moffitt has a point. Younger couples still in college have a course load to juggle on top of extra-curriculars, internships and even jobs. Matt Baasten, a theology professor who co-teaches the marriage class here at UP, foresees younger married couples encountering more difficulty in marriage than those who are older.
First, Baasten asserts that married couples of any age must be prepared for their spouse to change as they gain life experience and new perspectives. Tension or even dissolution of the marriage or relationship can sometimes result when a person cannot acclimate to his or her transformed partner.
"I've been married to five different women ... [they] just happened to have the same name," Baasten joked, illustrating how profoundly his wife has changed during their 34-year marriage.
Baasten also claims that self-sacrifice is paramount for a marriage to remain intact. College students however, have many other stressors that demand attention and are at times not able to make enough sacrifice in order for the marriage to work.
College students are sometimes na've about the work a marriage requires, often thinking that love alone is enough.
"You can't go into marriage with the romantic view: 'our love will carry us through,'" Baasten said. "Love is a necessary, but not sufficient, element of marriage."Financial strain is another reason why college-aged couples might be wary to marry.
"It would make sense that a couple that is older would have fewer financial difficulties because they would have more time in the workforce," said Trish Harris-Brown, Psy.D, who works in the campus Health Center.
Also, parental reaction to a son or daughter's marriage can be treacherous to navigate for any couple, but younger couples may receive more flak. Greiert received mixed reactions from her future mother-and father-in-law as well as her own parents.
"His were like, 'Yeah, you're getting married. This is great!' and mine were like, 'What the hell are you doing?'" she said. Eventually though, Greiert's family supported her choice.
In spite of the stumbling blocks married or engaged couples must overcome, some students at UP have reaped the benefits marriage or engagement can provide.
Sarah Walton, a senior, thinks that her engagement to Doug Taylor, also a senior, will ease her mind for a period of time after graduation when the couple will be separated due to Taylor's ROTC cadet status.
"For me, it's been a huge pressure off my back ... knowing that we're still going to be together and not worrying about the 'what-ifs,'" she said.
Taylor, who knew that Walton was "the one" from week three of their relationship "would have preferred to have met her earlier, so we could have put it all together," he said.
Nick Rhodes, a senior, married his girlfriend of five years the summer before his junior year of college, when he was 19-years-old.
"We knew it was the right decision," Rhodes said, "but I do admit, being young, it was a leap."
The Rev. Bill Dorwart, C.S.C., said that the University provides counseling for engaged couples, many of whom are graduating seniors or alumni who wish to be married in the Chapel.
Dorwart doles out only the advice he thinks is appropriate for the particular couple seeking his guidance. Age, therefore, is of little consequence. What matters to him and the Church is whether the couple in question can build a life together based on faith that will provide a suitable Catholic foundation for their children.
"It's a case-by-case basis," Dorwart said. "You can find very mature and self-aware young people." Generally, however, Dorwart thinks that older couples who marry are more likely to stay married.
"In general, I'd advise people [not to] rush and enjoy your college years. And if it is the will of God that 'we' end up married, it's going to happen," he said.
